365 #31 - The Peril of Being Loved

Saturday, February 4

...is that you will love in return.  Today was my last full day in Beaverton, with roots here.  In the morning, I go to NY and start work on Monday, laying roots there.  I'm all in - it's the only way to be.

This week has been more emotionally turbulent than I had expected it would be.  I've been off to faraway lands before.  I knew I wouldn't see any of my family or friends for 2 years when I left for Japan.  When we left for California with a baby in our arms, we knew we'd be separate, too.  But what I realized this week is that the middle part of my life was very transient.  From age 19 to 29, I moved more than 10 times.  I've been in this house, with these roots, for 8 years: a significant portion of my life.  I have made friendships with lots of really stellar people, and I'm sad to not be able to see them any more.  I'll miss them spontaneously stopping by the house, or messaging me on FB, or seeing them at church.  Or showing up on my doorstep, hat in hand, explaining that their house had burned, could they (and their 4 kids) stay with us for a few days?

What surprised me the most was the deeper and substantial love I felt for my family.  First, the ones who chose me.  Sean and Paul came up on Monday and spent about 4 hours working on the yard with me.  I had stuff to do, and they had brought along a chipper and completely destroyed a huge pile of brush I had been valiantly ignoring for years.  About 3, the pile was done, and they had to head out to help someone else.  As I looked in Sean's eyes, I knew him for my brother.  The brother who chose me.  I love that man,  who has always been there for me, and loves me even though he knows every single one of my faults.

As he and Paul left, Paul made sure to tell Katrina and me, "Whatever you need, just ask.  We're family."  And I believe him.  Those were some of the first tears I shed in this whole process.  I dearly hope they come and see us; maybe we can hike the Adirondack trail and do a little camping with the boys.  (I have extra gear, sir.)  Today, my mom and dad came out and helped us again.  My dad has been here every day this week - he has worked super hard, mostly, I think, to make me feel comfortable that things are under control as I leave.  As he and mom left, I hugged them and said goodbye.  More tears.  I know I'll see them soon.  But I will desperately miss having them so close, and miss having them such in integral part of our kids' lives.

On the positive side, I have to remember that my kids all know their grandparents very well.  They are not strangers.  They are special, awesome people.  As grandparents should be.  And I hope we will be able to send kids back to Oregon for a long time each summer, and that our parents will come and see us and stay for long periods.

So - so long Oregon. It's been a great ride.  I honestly don't know when I'll live in Oregon again.  A new life awaits.  New brothers and sisters to be found, new people to help, a new me to find in a certain sense.

This blog will henceforth have a picture each day.  The kids were asking for photos today, so I promised I would deliver.  I have a couple ideas for tomorrow.