My Son is a Wimp. Yay!

We got a call from the Principal today. It's our first. Our oldest is in 3rd grade, and never has been within 100 feet of trouble. Christian has been in first grade for 2 weeks and 3 days, and we got the call. He was involved in an altercation at school today. A girl bent his finger back in the classroom after losing a math game, and it really hurt him.

He has a large array of things to do in retaliation, like everyone does. Angry words, hit her back, walk away, taunt her. But he didn't take the aggressive actions he could have. He teared up, and that was it. His teacher saw what happened and took care of the girl.

Katrina called me to say how proud she was. I'm a little torn. I've always felt a little shame that I didn't stand up for myself more when I was a kid. At the same time, we have taught our kids pretty relentlessly that physical retaliation is not appropriate in any circumstance. And Christian has no fighting skills - we haven't taught him how to fight.

In the end, I know it takes stronger character to not retaliate than it does to fight back. So I'm proud of him, too. He's a very good kid. Even though we have issues with him fighting with his siblings sometimes, he always recognizes when he's wrong. So, at 6, he's learned an awful lot about himself, dealing with others, and reactions to a difficult situation.

He's a sensitive kid. As a child, I cried a lot. Other kids called me a crybaby. It didn't help me that I knew even then that they were right. As I've gotten older, I've learned to control it a bit. I'll never be a stoic. I have wished that I learned how to control that better when I was younger. I wonder if he'll cry when other kids call him the equivalent of "Tom cat"? Or when he comes in second in the spelling bee? Or loses once in a math contest? Spilling a bit too much of my past here....

So I hope he can learn to think about his reaction before he does it. I no longer cry when someone says something negative to me. It's hard for me to speak to people in authority for some reason. My boss is fine, his boss is fine, but dealing with management above that level in a 1:1 context is hard for me. Likewise, when speaking to groups about things that are really important to me (like giving retaliation and harassment training to my team at work or speaking in church) often makes me tear up.

Maybe that's why one of my favorite country songs will always remain "The Coward of the County".