April 21, 2015: The Right Way to Handle Disappointment at Work

I recently changed employers.  On my first day on the job, around lunch, I met someone on my team.  When we were introduced, I was my normal friendly self.  The person I met was more than a little aloof.

The next day someone mentioned that the aloof person had applied for the job I got.  I was the external candidate, he was the internal candidate.  The moment he learned he did not get the job was the moment he met me.

This was not intentional.  The manager intended to let him know he had not been selected once my hire status was clear.  When that happened, he was on vacation.  His first day back was my first day on the job.

The guy, who I'll call Clark, might have been very upset outside of work.  At work, he quietly went about his business and continued doing great work.  He put in his 2 weeks notice about a week after I started.  The two events are connected, of course, but more in a personal sense than a business sense.

Since Clark put in his notice, Clark has come to me to tell me about known issues.  We have investigated a year-old problem together, found its cause and enough data to go to an outside source to get it fixed.  He has put effort into a project that will benefit the whole team after he leaves.  And he has been generally quite friendly and a good team member.

I take a few things from Clark's example:
1) When things don't go well, leave your work disappointment at the door.  The company has already moved on; you should, too.
2) Continue to be excellent.  Sulking and pouting are counter-productive to any future meeting between you and people from the company.  Build the bridges, even as you cross over them.
3) For Clark, his application came at a time when he needed to change jobs for family reasons.  When he didn't get it, he put his family first and moved on.

As Clark leaves, I'm sad to see him go.  I wish him all the best in his future work, and I'm sure he wishes us the best as well.  If only every disappointing situation could go so well.

April 13, 2015: When Do You Give Up?

The obvious, and incorrect, answer is, "Never!"  Countless books and well-meaning people describe the person who never (never, ever, ever) gives up as the ultimate winner.

Well, hang on.  Michael Phelps is the most decorated Olympic swimmer in the history of the world.  Has he given up on Theoretical Physics?  How has his charcoal portraiture skill improved over time?  Has he learned to speak Russian yet?

You see, no one can do everything.  Firstly, no one has time.  Secondly, there are things that deep down, you know you are no good at.  They just don't fit your temperament.  You may not be a person who is a good leader, and you know it.  You probably should not go into management if that's the case.  You may be a person who is good with big picture, and terrible with details.  You would make a bad CPA, although you might make a good CPA manager.

I have a good friend who tends to get over-involved.  She joined a professional organization a while ago because she had never done that kind of thing before.  Why not try something a little out of her comfort zone, she thought.  So she did, and she liked it.  She got to know the leadership of the club, and when they asked if she'd like to become part of the leadership team, she was excited by the opportunity.

Time passed.  The person she was taking over for left the leadership team (his term was over, it was all planned), and there she was: a responsible person in a professional organization.  And she hated it.  The role she was recruited for was not something she was good at, and she knew it.  She thought about her responsibilities all the time, she even had bad dreams about things going badly.  Her mild social anxiety blew up when it was time to meet with the team.

The worst part about it was this, though: she does not fail often.  She made a few changes in how she approached the job, but none of them worked.  After several months, she thought long and hard about the whole situation.  How would I feel as the club's president if someone had done such a poor job?  How would I feel as another member of the leadership team if someone else was completely shirking her responsibilities?

And she realized: I would fire me.

And then she thought: can I do better?

And she realized: I don't think so.

And that was when she knew she had to resign.  She did not resign because she didn't want to try.  She resigned because she wanted to help the club, but knew she was not up to the task.  The club would be better served by someone else.  So she wrote a resignation letter, stating her regrets and apologies, and assuring the president of the club that the entire leadership team was fantastic.

It was hard to write, but it was the right thing to do.  As soon as she send the email, she felt a weight lift from her shoulders.  A weight of expectation, a weight of failure, a weight of self-recrimination.

The answer to the question of when is it right to give up is going to be different for different people and situations.  In this case, a recognition that the she was the wrong person for the job was enough.  It might be that your family pulls you in a certain direction, and you can't pursue a hobby any more.  Perhaps you realize you simply can not work with that guy.  Perhaps the task at hand gives you immense stress and no satisfaction.  There are many valid reasons for giving up.  But successful people don't look for reasons to give up.  The reasons smack them across the face and say, "You got any reason to think I'm wrong????"  And the successful person looks the reason in the eyes and replies, after some thought, "I suppose not."

And maybe what she did might not be called giving up.  It might be called recognizing one's limits.  It might be called refocusing.  But it was also giving up.  Calling it a different name didn't make it easier for her.

And it was still the right thing to do.